The picture above is a picture of me when I was a little girl. I LOVE that girl in that picture and I think that I was about seven or eight years old in that picture. I remember as a little girl that I always wanted to know God and I remember one day asking God if God was real. I don’t remember getting an answer from God that day, but deep down inside I felt a very strong connection to God from that day forward.
WARNNING: What I am about to share is not easy but it is healing for me, please be advised that some content may be a trigger for you and please read at your own discretion.
Looking at the beautiful picture of me as a little girl has brought up so many emotions. The first emotion was Pain, then Fear, then Joy, then Pain again, then Sadness and then Peace and Love. During this time as a little girl, I had already been sexually abused 5 times by three different men, a young boy and a teen boy. The teenager boy went on to sexually abuse me for about four years and then shortly after I turned 12 years old he raped me, not once but several times. The rape was not forced because after four plus years of being molested, I could no-longer FEEL or even cared. I had felt that my body was not my own and when I would try to resist him he would destroy my toys and things.
So, the BIG question in all of this is where was GOD. Where was God?
During, this time I remember different people taking me to church so that I could know about God. It wasn’t until one day when I was all alone in my bedroom, I remember calling and crying out to God to literally save me from the horrible situation that I was in. I was so afraid to tell anyone what was happening to me and the person that was my guardian at the time was physically and verbally abusing me, I was too afraid of her to tell her anything. I felt like she hated me, so in my mind I believed that she would have not helped me.
So every night before I would go to bed, I would pray to God to save me and turn my TV on some Bible Church station so that I could feel close to God.
Help is on the WAY!!
My father had passed away two months after I turned twelve and at his funeral I saw my older sister Rose. My Mom has three children and we all have different dads. My older sister Rose is my Mom’s daughter. At my dads funeral, I had broke-down and told my sister Rose everything that had happened to me. She hugged me tight and told me that everything was going to be alright. At that time I lived in Springfeild Illinois and my father funeral was in Robbins Illinois. So I went back home with my guardian and forgot about what I had shared with my sister Rose.
One day, as I was walking to school my Mom, grandfather and my sister grandmother Forestine pulled up in a car next to me. They told me to get in the car and that we were going to go for a ride. I was a little hesitant at first to get in the car, but because my Mom was in the car, I got in. My grandfather started driving and this ride that I thought would be a short ride went on for hours. What I did not know was that my sister Rose had told her grandmother Forestine what had happened to me and her grandmother got my Mom and grandfather to drive down to Springfeild Illinois to SAVE ME.
GOD truly hears our Prayers and lay them on the hearts of beautiful Ordinary but Extraordinary individuals to help us.
What my Sister Rose, my Mom, my Grandfather and my Grandmother aka Forestine did for me was so very Brave, Beautiful and Priceless. I thank God for these four Extraordinary Individuals!!
This was my very first encounter in Seeing my Life In the Hands of God and their has been many many more encounters since then. My Life will always be In the Hands of God. I am Safe, I am Secure and God is truly for me and with me.
If you are reading this I just want to thank you for being Brave with me to go through some painful and beautiful memories. Thank you for helping me to give voice to my story. God bless You!!
❤️ Charmaine Moore Face of Hope & Beauty